Ambushed at Hunting season

Last year at hunting season, my Dad was up here hiking all around and visiting, talking about life, the great trip we had to Mongolia last August, about his business and the neat things he could see coming down the line.  Now he is  getting to be in Heaven, and I am missing him here!  It is funny how people are so wrapped up in our lives.  I was thinking who would be coming for hunting season and was ready to have Dad here.  It was one of the "ambushes" that catches you off guard in grief.  I was not even thinking and walked my self right into it.  Of course almost every hunt in my whole life I have been with my Dad, so of course I would automatically put him here.  Last year he was on the floor in my son's room as we had a full house of hunters.  My Dad snored really bad and so my son had put on his shooting ear muffs to sleep in with Grandpa.  My Dad treasured all of us and was a cheerleader to all we did and had going.  He would pick out the how and whys of things and discuss them.  He loved to find what someones dream was and help them get there.  And I miss that!  I will miss our morning hike tomorrow as I go out with my son to hunt.  I will  miss him saying lets just wait here a minute and see what comes up out of this draw.  Pointing out things and just being here.  It will be an  odd year of hunting.  Not because it is too warm.  Not because it is already the end of September, when part of me is still figuring out my new equilibrium. No because my Dad isn't here to laugh and joke, take us up the canyon to see the rocks and put up No Hunting signs.  Simply because there is already a hole in the picture of the hunters.    

Framing

So, I am discovering again what I already knew - framing is MUCH faster than concrete work!  It is so nice to  notice noticeable differences every time I show up.  Very fun!  These guys have been hitting it hard and making progress.  Actually since I took this picture yesterday all these boards have floor on them now.  How does that work!  Well! 

I took them all brownies yesterday. 

Big Boy Playground

My Son is loving this house building project.  There is so many interesting things to see, do, help with and explore.  Today a big load of sand arrived to level the floor in the basement before we put down the radiant floor heat.  He was having so much fun playing in it, building caves, dumping it through the holes in his knees to fill his pants up with it, bulldozing it around and shoveling it from one place to another.  He has found a new "fort" as all boys need forts.  He has his dump trucks and road graders, bulldozers and diggers over there to play with.  He is having a ball.  Yes, we are keeping school a high priority and getting it done, but we are also enjoying long recess time at our new place learning about life.  When we lived in Mongolia, we built / remodeled a house there as well.  K was 2 and half at the time and completely enjoyed the process.  He pounded nails into whatever with his little hammer and drove his trucks and tractors many miles in the sand pit.  He is now getting the experience but is a bit more able to enjoy and remember than just play.  But life lessons are so crucial and important and it is amazing the things you can learn at a playground!

Good Taste

My husband has always laughed at me when we go shopping together.  We don't usually go shopping to much together as I am not a big shopper.  But, he always teases me about my good taste, I can go into any type - it seems - of store and if we are looking for a particular item I can pick out the most expensive or at least one of the most expensive without ever looking at the price!  Then I usually am shocked at how much it costs.  I have found that this extends into even plumbing fixtures.  I kid you not!  I went in to a plumbing store the other day and looking through a catalogue picked out the fixtures for my house.  Mind you, there were no prices in this book, as this is not a retail store.  I just picked out the ones I wanted him to give me a bid on.  O my!  I never knew that they made sinks  stainless steel, ordinary looking kitchen sinks for over a $1000!  Yes, I am serious!  REALLY!  I was shocked.  I mean really, you wash dishes and potatoes in this!  Honestly!  I guess it gave a new meaning to taking everything but the kitchen sink.  If I payed that much for a sink, I would take it with me!  Light packer that I am not withstanding!

School , , , House , , , Business , , , Life . . .

Seems all of life is so interconnected.  I feel that I wear lots of hats each day.  Wife, Mom, Teacher, Nurse to little oweys, Sister, Secretary, Librarian, Book keeper, Mom, Daughter,  Contractor, Swim Instructor, Maid,Aunt, Mom, Grand Daughter, Student, Party planner, Director, Counselor, Taxi Driver, Veterinarian, Board Member, Mom  . . . Need I go on ?

Pouring Concrete

Downstairs bedroom

Don't get my wrong, I love all my jobs.  I would not trade any of them.  Sometimes my head hurts from changing so many hats in one day!  I love being a mom!  I love schooling and learning so many new things as we go through life.  I just wish someone would level out that learning curve a bit on some of the new responsibilities.  I am pretty sure it is not curving back on itself, but sometimes it feels that way.  School this year is so far going SO well!  WE are having so much fun and learning so many new things.  It is incredible the amount of stuff I never knew or only knew until that test that has since escaped my brain . . . or is that what all these new gray hairs are from is??  LOL!  But seriously we are totally enjoying ourselves!  We are in the days of American expansion across the continent, slavery, mountain men, right before the gold rush, and the underground railroad.  Exciting and sad times in our history.  But so important.  We are also learning about electricity, and currents and light bulbs with small D cell batteries.  Hmm . . . I wonder if we could do our electricity for our house. . . . .

Moving on . . .  Our foundation is almost done!  Yeah!  3 weeks late!  But, concrete is slow!  I am thinking that the next step of framing and putting up the exterior is going to go so fast.  I would bet 10 days or so and that will be done.  So we are excited abut that!   Maybe we will get moved by Christmas . . . I am not holding my breath though!  I am having fun looking for good deals on fixtures and that sort of stuff for this house though!  That is the fun part. 

We are doing better with life in general.  I think starting school and getting a little more routine has been good.  Vacation is wonderful and we got to see and do a lot this summer, but, life must go on.  There are still lots of times per week that I get "ambushed" by something that has me ready to call Dad and chat about whatever, or however important or not the item is it is always the kicked by a mule feeling in your gut, that, OW, I cant just make that phone call any more.  Sometimes that just makes me cry.  And that is OK.  Even though I don't really like to cry, I do, and that is OK.

Foundations . . . . . . and waiting

I have been waiting on the concrete guy for my foundation for the last month.  I had been hoping to have my foundation for my birthday.  But no dice.  So now am waiting . . .  and waiting . . . and waiting.  It is finally getting poured tomorrow!  At least the footings are starting and then walls on Friday is the plan.  Decking around the floors etc. start on Monday.  So now I think the pace is going to considerably pick up.  Especially as I am supposed to be in there for Thanksgiving dinner the pace must pick up.  I think this will be an interesting process.  Will see how it goes!  One thing surprised us was the amount of dirt making a huge pile that came out of the hole.  Now what do we do with it?  So I guess it is added to the "to-do" list.  Now we need to find where to put a bunch of dirt.  We were also quite thrilled as we did not find any large car size boulders in the spot we wanted to put our house.  As there are a bunch up on the hill it was a distinct possibility.  I guess waiting is not a bad thing and things that you get as soon as you want them are usually not as satisfying as the things you wait for and work on and build and dream about.  So we are excited to finally be starting this process!

Holes in the floor of Heaven

Tomorrow is my Dad's Birthday.  How do you celebrate it when he had recently died.  You have to acknowledge it.  But celebrate?  With tears?  How do you send a card?  We sent a card written on a helium balloon to heaven for Grandpa.  Not quite the same as calling and saying Hi.  But it seemed like a good idea.  My son thought it was a great idea and loved the idea.  Was thrilled to send a card.  So then was wondering if Grandpa would be able to get it and if he would send one back to us.  Happy Birthday Dad.

Words of Wisdom

I love word art on walls.  I have been thinking through decorating my house - even though the foundation forms are just getting done this week!!  But anyway I am planning ahead.  :)  I found lots of interesting statements and words of wisdom as I was looking and thought I would post them here for comment.

A boy is truth with dirt on its face, beauty with a cut on its finger, wisdom with bubblegum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. - Alan Beck

A little boy is the only thing God can use to make a man.

The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home - Harold B. Lee

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time but you can never fool your Mom.

The fondest memories are made when gathered around the table.

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. -Frank A. Clark

In this home... We do second chances. We do grace. We do real. We do mistakes. We do I'm sorry. We do loud really well. We do hugs. We do family. We do prayers. We do faith. We do love.

Give the pupils something to do, not something to learn; and the doing is of such a nature as to demand thinking; learning naturally results. - John Dewey

Family is not letting petty differences get in the way of anything. It is about being true to yourself. It is about experiencing new adventures by entering the realm of others.

What a child doesn't receive he can seldom later give. - P.D. James

The world is but a canvas to the imagination. –Thoreau

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison

Bear in mind that the wonderful things you learn in your schools are the work of many generations. All this is put in your hands as your inheritance in order that you may receive, honor it, add to it, and one day faithfully hand it on to your children.  -Albert Einstein

He who never made a mistake never made a discovery. -Samuel Smiles

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. Albert Einstein

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky

If you think education is expensive - try ignorance. - Derek Bok

I do not understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us. -Anne LaMott

The art of teaching is the art of assisting in discovery.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. -Edward Abbey

To invent you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. Thomas Edison

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up noses, and some don't turn up at all. -Sam Ewing

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. - Babe Ruth

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -Albert Einstein

The only person who cannot be helped is that person who blames others. -Carl Rogers

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. -Plato

We're glad to have you as our guest, And hope you have a good night's rest. Tomorrow you again may roam, But while you're here just feel at home.

Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading the fine print.

Pay attention and you will learn something new every day of your life.

Once in the midst of a seemingly endless winter, I discovered within myself an invincible spring.

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the Most of everything.

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. -Eleanor of Aquitaine

Expressing anger is a form of public littering. Willard Gaylin

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. - James Joyce

I always prefer to believe the best of everybody - it saves so much trouble. -Rudyard Kipling

A person is only as big as the dream they dare to live.

The man who has no imagination has no wings.-Muhammad Ali

No one would ever have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm. -Charles Kettering

Live life in such a way that you can leave life with a shout of glory.

House update

I have had a long spring as you know if you read very far in this blog.  We had been planning to start building a house in February and life started imploding.  So house project took a very far back burner.  Almost totally out of the kitchen really.  Family came first and as we had a house that is very adequate to live in we have stayed there and commuted to take care of cows, irrigation, etc.  We think our brains are kind of starting to work now and so we are going to try to push this house project idea along again.  I got a building permit last week!  Yeah!  The road up to my house sight is almost done.  Should finish tomorrow.  I hope to meet with the contractor out there tomorrow or Friday to put new flags in the ground for our corners of the house.My husband pushed the old house out of the way, but did not light it on fire as it is SO dry everywhere.  My son and I moved some of the boards that we wanted to use to make something with or decorate with for our new house.  Maybe some trim or something.  Very neat looking.  Rattlesnake under that pile of boards.  Snake shot in a 9mm works really well.  I did put up our road address numbers at our entrance gate.  How cool is that!!  We also have the pond finished now and it looks really good.  Has been tried and tested by little boys and given two thumbs up of approval.    Now I just need to find some fish.  So I think things will be starting up with this project and get going here shortly.  Should be a fun next adventure!

Teamwork

It has been interesting, sometimes painfully so, working through the ramifications of my Dad's death.  It has been a learning curve that is painfully steep, I sometimes feel like I have been emotionally thrown at a brick wall and that is the curve I am supposed to climb.  As my siblings and I work together in a totally different capacity it has been revealing of all of us how we think and work.  All of us are very competent people.  All of us bring different backgrounds, experiences, jobs, thoughts, ideas and strengths and weaknesses to the table.  As we sort through things and jobs, life, memories, time, and events it is intriguing to watch how much different we are and yet at the core our beliefs and values are the same.  We all value and deeply love our families.  We all have a deep faith in God and a Hope in Him as well.  These are the core values that are the same in each of us.  But as a team we have many strengths and some differences in how we live out those values.  How our past and our experiences impact our worldview is an observation we don't always think about but is interesting to watch and experience.  After living overseas and in a culture I didn't always understand I find that I extend a lot of grace.  I give people totally the benefit of the doubt.  Especially if they are people I love and trust.  People I know have my best interest in mind.  If I don't understand why someone says something I try to look at the comment or action from their perspective and understand it.  If I still don't understand then I go to them and ask.  I want and seek to understand their perspective.  I think this comes from so many times not really understanding why someone did or said something that to me did not make sense coming from a different culture.  Culture is always an interesting study, even in your own there are differences and similarities, understandings and misunderstandings, words taken wrong and right.  Love and truth spoken and demonstrated though are always the knots that tie us together as a family as a unit and as a team.

Mine tour tears

Last fall my Dad was working on setting up a tour of a gold mine for any interested parties.  All of us thought it would be interesting and were on the list.  As Dad was a geologist and loved to talk about rocks and gold and deposits and all it was always educational to go out with him as you were bound to learn something.  We all made it to the tour and around.  It was interesting and fun but with a stick you with a knife type of poignancy that we were all there and Dad wasn't.  He would have loved it.  Would have found it so interesting.  Would have understood all that the other geologist had to say about the rocks and formations and ore and waste.  I kept wanting him to raise his hand and make a comment or ask a question or get us all to have a photo op with one of the HUGE 340 ton dump trucks, but he wasn't there.  It is weird.  And hard. And it is interesting those things that kind of blind side you and make your eyes water up.

Mutton Bustin'

Our town is very proud of their Oregon Trail heritage and every 4th of July they have a  rodeo and a park full of vendors which Makes for a fun event. This year we only made it to one of the rodeos but had a fun time. It was SO hot this year! As pre rodeo events they have some fun local flavor events including a kids mutton busting event. Kids under 65 pounds can  ride a sheep and try to ride for 6 seconds. While sheep don't really buck much they do have a BuMpY rUn. Kase has ridden a sheep 4 times and has really enjoyed it.  Last year he placed second. No trophy! All the kids who participate get little medals. But the winner each night gets a foot tall trophy. He really wanted a trophy and as by next year he will have gained those last 3 pounds separating him from not being able to participate this was his last chance. He rode a wool falling off ewe to the buzzer. Score of 69. He was pretty stoked about his Basque style ride. Backwards with his little chin bouncing and his bike helmet securely on his head.  As he was only third out of the chutes he then had to wait and watch as several other kids made their rodeo debut. Some in grand style and some in dusty style. No one was hurt and everyone had fun. No one had a higher score.
The announcer called him and the rodeo queen presented him with his trophy. He was SO excited! What a fun memory!

Cancer cells

This prayer means so much so please say the prayer for everyone and pass it on.

 A cancer cell is a strange cell.
 You can go along for years in remission
 and then one day it pops its head up again.
  If you ever have it you will never be free of it.
 Pray for the day there will be a permanent cure.

Dear God,
 I pray that You will guide someone to find a cure for cancer in 2012
 In Jesus Name, Amen

 In memory of anyone you know who has been struck down by cancer or is  still living with it.  And all the lives affected by it.

Fathers day

Father's Day We all survived today. I had kind of been hoping to skip this year as I knew it was going to be a hard one and it was. I did need to celebrate it though as I have a little boy who loves his Father very much. But I missed my father. I did good putting the days significance in the back of my mind until we got to church and were handed a happy fathers day bulletin. Then my Mom called and we cried together and took a while to get those tears checked. I sat thru Sunday school in class with tears flowing though I don't remember much of what we were reading as I really just wanted to call my Dad for Fathers day. I  have talked to him every year on this day for sure for my whole life. I even found a book the other day that I had bought to give him for Fathers day. That was tough. Having Fathers day fall one day after the 2 month mark didn't help much. Our pastor made a neat comment though that our family was very blessed to have a Dad that we all loved and respected so much to be missing and grieving him so deeply. Very true!  We went out fishing and touring for Fathers day. Didn't catch a thing but we did have fun. Then out to dinner with some friends who had been fishing the same place with the same luck! Home late. But it was a good day. We all survived. Just had to drink lots of water.

Tearful Moments

I am finding it interesting what sends tears coursing down my cheeks as I go through life now.  At Baseball last night, the Dad of one of Kase's team mates just retired from Active Duty and settled here in Vale.  He is now one of the men who so blessed our family as he does the burial detail involving 21 gun salutes, flag folding, and the ceremony involved with a Hero Burial.  When he told me that, I started to cry and just told him "Thank you so much for what you do!" 

Someone sent a youtube video link that was also a good one if you need your tear ducts cleaned out. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70Ikj1hZDnw

I still keep wanting to call Dad and chat with him about how life is going.  Doesn't work too well.  He was always our cheerleader and supporter and had so much wisdom.  My Mom came over to watch Kase in swimming lessons and at his baseball game.  We have such a fun time with her and I love my Mom dearly.  It is a bittersweet time though for all of us as it is in your face that Dad is not with us.  We loved having Mom here and she enjoyed her time too.  Just had some tearful moments.

Red pick-ups

So ever since I was in Junior high pretty much, my Dad drove a red Ford pickup. Once He had a white one but mostly red so it is a truck I associate with my Dad. The other day I was driving into town and a truck like Dads was driving up the road toward me. Maybe because I was stopped at the stop sign and really saw it or something I don't really know but I saw it well.y heart gave a lurch and the unexpectedness of it almost had me bawling in the hardware store. Those odd realities. The "never again" realities of life. These are hard and hurt your heart but you have to just keep walking. Breath in. Breath out.

Summer plans

Summer plans So somehow summer snuck up on me this year. I am a bit overwhelmed with the amount of deferred maintenance that we have worked  on a lot over the last few years and still have a ways to go on this ranch. Now it is on the market though and so I would really just like to sell it. Then someone else can deal with it and make it the way they want. I got  big blueprint plans the other day and that was quite exciting. I am ready to start on that project I think. Should be interesting. And a lot of work. But fun too.  It is so weird though to think that Fathers Day is coming up here in a few weeks and my Dad won't be here to celebrate with or  call or anything. It makes my eyes think they need to cry every time I think about that. So weird. Dad won't be coming to any of my sons baseball games. He will not show up at our mine tour. He won't make it to Marvin's wedding. I still keep thinking he will call me up but he hasn't. And won't. And that is hard. I am trying to move on and adjust to my new normal in life. I am not a basket case and crying all the time at all but it interesting to see what crops up that makes my eyes well up. I think the hardest part is wondering if there is another shoe that is dropping soon. Not sure I can handle another one right now. But I listen to the new Mercy Me song about the hurt - us- and the -healer- God colliding and knowing that one day all the tears will be washed away and the scares will be explained and knowing that it really is well with my soul. God does know what He is about. My dad wouldn't come back if he could. He is where he has had his eye fixed on for 40+ years and is loving heaven.  I know it deep down to be true but sometimes my heart still hurts. And I guess that is good. Summer will continue and the seasons will continue to change. The world is still turning. God is still in his heaven and I still trust in Him.

Moving on. . . .

So it has been a crazy winter and I feel like I am waking from a time warp some days. We wrapped up 3rd grade today! How much fun this s hook year has been. I love being a teacher almost all the time! There has been so much change this year though that mind seems to play tricks on me sometimes. I so wanted ask my Dads advice about something today and he wasn't there. Always has been there and it was an odd feeling to know I couldn't ask him and I was going to have to figure it out a different way. We made it thru though. I have felt like I was camping from my house this whole winter. Having spent more time living out of a suitcase than my dresser over the last several months has brought on that feeling I guess. But I unpacked my suitcase so maybe I will have too many clothes in my closet now. LOL! I have a new niece just born the other day! How cool is that! I think all of my family have hit our walls though. In talking to them all of us have been sleeping like logs and so exhausted. But I think it is just the finality of things coming down on us as well as a let off of some of the stress we all packed with us this winter. In some ways November seems like it was about 10 years ago and yesterday at the same time. Time warp thing! We went to a rodeo - just a fun day trip this last weekend and it was so fun and just nice to do something just for fun with no extra pressure or anything just simple. I guess I need to plan some more of that in for this summer.

Missings

So I was ready to call my Dad the other day. Didn't really have any new news or anything just wanted to chat about life. Was hard to realize I couldn't do that now. Odd thing to realize! I was telling my son that tho and told him that I had prayed then and asked Jesus to tell Grandpa what I needed to tell him and that I love and miss him. He said that the good thing about that is that you never get out of cell phone range that way! Too true! I love it. Good perspective. I am realizing that we all have these important people in our lives who we do the important and big things in life with. College. Marriage. Births. Deaths. That sort of thing. We are very blessed go have some of those sorts of friends. Dad was honored today by a packed out memorial service. The word we kept hearing over and over was how dad had impacted this person and that person. Whole schools. Organizations. People. Ministries. People. Families. Missions. People. It was near to hear and be blessed again by the love of a Dad and a man who loved God and followed and gave with everything he had.

Thoughts on packing.

So I have done a lot of packing. I travel a lot and pack light and go. I have for a long time. I have packed up my whole life into 7 pieces of luggage twice for international moves. I have helped friends do this packing up to. I kind of like packing. The last 3 days I have been helping my Mom, brother, sister in law pack up my Mom from her house to move to Oregon. We have sorted thru books, clothes, hunting gear, books, craft supplies, kitchen stuff, geology stuff, a few more books. All those things that a person who loved life and lived it to the full collects. It has been interesting and hard. I think the office has been the hardest because that space has been Dads domain for lack of a better word. But he Always had time for us. I kept waiting in my heart for him to walk in the door. And it was painful in my heart knowing he wasn't going to. We have had some fun memories made and some fun memories bared as we have worked together in this project too so that has been good.