Treasures in Bend

We came over to see family for Easter.  So hard.  But good.  So very blessed to have a family who are all close and who are sticking together for this project.  We are all so blessed that Dad has not really been in pain during this whole ordeal.  Apparently some people with this are in terrible pain or totally medicated to keep the pain at bay.  Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying for us!  Just today he has had pain and that is SO hard to watch. 

Dad and I in Mongolia last fall - 2011

I think as a family we are all coping better than we were last weekend.  More rest!  But it is hard to think through all the ramifications.  Even today I was picking out pictures of my Dad during  all of our lives and realized the many blessings that we were given so freely and with so much love.  Not that he was perfect - but are any of us!  We have been so many places, seen so many things and been so blessed by so many places.  We were able to go to so many places.  Dad and Mom have always been our cheerleaders and encourager and helpers.  We are realizing that we are going to be making a huge deposit into our heavenly bank account soon and that is hard to imagine.  But We are supposed to store our treasure there, so we are.  But i guess Dad is really getting a wonderful promotion.  I know he is.  Just a hard deposit to make.  I am realizing we are really such selfish people.  I also think I am much to young for this!

Whats it all about?

            So, as life continues to spin - seemingly out of control, we are realizing how little control we really have even though we tell ouselves that we are in control.  But really there are so many things in life that - while not always left to chance - are definitly left to God who is much Bigger than we are!  He ultimatly makes the decisions.  We are learning what it means when it seems the light at the end of the tunnle is growing brighter for my Dad and realizing that it is HEAVEN.  There is no cure for the type of cancer he has, here, but he will be totally whole again when he gets there.  Such a HOPE! 
           I am still wondering and trying to grasp the thoughts of God on this whole thing.  It seems that it is a wrong way to go out for a man who has followed God all of his adult life, but at the same time to God, our days seem like a puff of smoke. 

FINE

I learned a new acronym for FINE the other day from my Brother-in-Law.  I thought it was perfect for our current state of affairs. 

Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic  or Normal?
Emotional or Exhausted

I have had lots of people ask how we are doing.  My usual response is Fine.  BUT, to my closer friends who really know what is happening with life, my response is - if you only ask once, I am fine, just don't ask twice or you get the real story.  :)

I am so blessed to have a family who love each other!  Who stick together through the tough stuff, and hang tightly together through this whole thing.  It is amazing how having a parent so very sick makes you put your priorities into place and realize that we really don't have the energy to sweat the small stuff - and there is so much small stuff we do! 

Move & Changes

            OK, so life has totally changed since my last post.  We have completely put our house project on hold as life has been a lot different.  We are already at the spot that we thought we would be in August or so with my Dad.  We thought that he would have a  break of time here where he would be good for a while and we would all have a time where we were able to get used to the idea of how things were going with Dad.  In the last two weeks has really gone down a lot.  He  has lost a lot of the ability that he had even a few weeks ago and so that has been hard to see. 
         We moved Mom and Dad to Bend this last week.  It was a logical well thought out, but fast decision.  We realized that we needed to get Mom somewhere that she could get more help.  She was getting very tired and Dad was having a harder time and  it did not seem like a good thing to not let Mom be a wife instead of a caregiver 24 hours a day for Dad.  That was hard for him and for her, but it was necessary to go to get more help for Dad.  We found a great place up here in Bend that is a 24 hour care place.  They kept telling us that all  we needed to do was push the button  and they would be there to help us do whatever needed done.  Mom is enjoying this place though as it is a good place for both of them.  Our whole family is there this week to help settle in.
        Our Dad had his doctors appointment last week and they were not good.  The doctor did an MRI and they were not able to see much difference.  But in the clinical changes that he has had in the last few weeks were too dramatic to not notice.  In looking at and talking to Dad the changes in him are meaning we are a lot closer to the end of this bad dream than I want to be.  I cried so much the other night I only had salt left.  Need to drink more water. :)
         Our house project we have totally put on hold and we have gone ahead with putting a pivot on our new place.  Seems we are still deciding what we are doing with it and with our place there.  Our house location is still staying the same and the signs and flags are still up, but it is all on hold.  But the ranch is still for sale and so we are still in the process of finding a place, but we are also doing well.  I do know for a fact though that I will never live in a tent except when I am camping.  And so for that, I am very grateful.  I don't need to worry about that.  It has been an adventure getting going on this house building project,  but while it has been so much fun, it seems that there is a lot of irons in the fire right now and it is OK!  We will make it through this part of life.  We have a wonderful family who we all love each other and will make it.  I know God has a plan for this life and even the part that we are in now, but I am not sure how it will work.

Flags in the ground!

            So we are finally ready to go.  We need to get several things in place still, but we are finally ready to move forward.  We have our final house plan done and now we are ready to get things going! 
          
           My son has made the first house on the place though, he claims in that his fort is almost done and he is so loving that!  He is having so much fun and loves this place!  That is so much fun to watch his life blossom.  We are loving the excitement and things that are being made and the plans that God is bringing. 

We are having challenges and life is so stressful but we are all really trying to cope and hold together and stay as a family and keep things going and help our Mom and Dad and be able to have things to work the best that is possible.  Life seems a little up in the air.   The stress of life is insane but our family if hanging together and we are staying close.  In contact and loving each other. 

So the last two weeks I have put about 3,000 miles on my car.  Which means - I have SAT that long as well!  Fortunately - odd for February - I have only had about 200 of those miles be snow covered roads.  For as much driving as we have done this winter the weather has been wonderful!  Before we left 2 weeks ago - I did one of those FUN MOM things and went to the $1 store and got a bunch of small little fun gifts and wrapped them in tissue paper and put them in a box.  Then my son got to open one every so many miles.  This made the trip so much more fun.  I also had gotten some new books on tape and that kind of thing.  We got a whole interesting education about the Lewis and Clark expedition and some fun laughs with Patrick McMannis as well as Good stories of Adventures in Odyssey and Louis L'Amour books.  All fun! 

What was all the driving - well, we drove down to S. California to Grandpas wedding.  Long drive.  Flowers are already in bloom down there.  Ripe oranges hanging from the trees!  So yummy!  Very informal wedding.  Short.  Fun visiting with some cousins and aunts and uncles who I have not seen in years.  So that made the trip worth it.  Kase had a fun fun time playing in the creek that runs through the ranch with his cousins!  Left the next day and drove up to Reno.  Since we made it all the way in one day we had some down time for swimming in the hotel pool.  My Dad had doctor appointments and so we stayed to attend.  It has been a challenge watching my Dad - who has always been a get up and go person who enjoys life and the outdoors and his family become so reliant on others for basic needs.  The looks on the doctors faces were not encouraging.  Mom is exhausted and needing help.  New round of chemo starting the next week.  But it is a pill so can be taken at home.  How will this affect Dad - we don't know!

So, after doctor appointments we drove home Saturday, did laundry, changed out suitcase clothes and did some schoolwork, then took school and left for Nevada.  This way we would be able to help Mom get some help lined up, and meet with some people from Hospice and Physical Therapy etc.  This was good to do this.  Kase had a fun time visiting with Grandpa and Grandma.  The Chemo pills didn't come as soon as we thought they would and so Dad was able to stay and be focused on a couple of business meetings.  That was good.  But once he started on it, you could tell.  He lost balance much easier, and was ravenously hungry.  His brain did not communicate as easy with his legs and he slowly fell down once - but was unhurt as Mom and I were right there.  Sometimes it is hard to understand life!

Grandpa Wedding

Grandpa Gene - Cowboy Grandpa - is getting married this next week.  On Valentines Day no less!  I am still finding this a bit interesting to process.  I am excited for the prospect of the fact that married folk often live longer lives and getting to have a Grandpa around longer is great!  On the other hand it is a bit odd.  How do we move on?  Grandma would I think want Grandpa to not stay stuck in grieving - they were married for 62 years!  But to move on and be happy.  You can only talk to a bird for so long besides!  So we have a Grandma that will be "Aunt Katherine."  All Grand kids are grown.  Great Grand kids all remember and love Grandma and so Aunt is a good term of endearment.  So we have a romantic Valentines planned - a wedding!  My son is quite excited!  He hasn't been to an American wedding.  This will be a small family affair.  He is wondering if he will have a job to do!  I am sure it will be interesting  if nothing else.   

Grey & Hiding it

So I have decided that stress and grey hair go together!  When we lived in Mongolia, I would pluck a few every once in a while, and not seem to have re-occurrences. When we were home on home assignments it seemed they were a little more prevalent, but would go back to blond or stay at a lower number so they could be mistaken for blond.  This method of non-issue has worked well until the other day.  Apparently my last two months stress level has not been level but a spike with a very sharp curve.  I don't think I could pluck them all!  Yikes!  The white is showing too much!  So, I guess we are going to have to start with the hiding highlights and see how that works for me. 

We are planning to head down to see Dad in a couple of days.  The last few weeks have been rough, but Mom has wanted her own time, but I think that may be coming to an end.  Dad might need more care and Mom more time.  So will see how this next couple of months look.  We have Doctor appointments next week on Thursday and so maybe we will have a few more answers then. So please be in prayer for us all!  It is starting to show for us all.  Life is interesting. 

 There doesn't seem to be dull time.  We are looking to put a pivot on our new place.  House plans are getting drawn up.  YEAH!  There are some serious lookers at the ranch we are currently living on which is very exciting!  I packed some more boxes the other day and put them in my shipping container to move to our new place.  At least we are not bored!

House Plans

We got to meet yesterday with our builder.  His company is working to get a name in the area as builders and they have built Beautiful and Efficient homes all over the country. It has been fun working together to get this project going.  But it is so slow!  The process that I think should take not too long will take a week.  And there are so many hoops to jump through.  We designed and built a couple of houses in Mongolia.  There was no inspections of anything from septic to electric.  No one cared what you were doing as long as your house worked for you that was good with them.  We designed the plans in Microsoft Excel and went on our way with building.  Here there is first, second, third drafts, then stamped plans have to be approved.  Everybody and their brother needs to have a permit for whatever they are doing.  It is quite a process.  Making sure those ducks are all in a row!  It is going to be an adventure.  It is exciting and I am getting excited to get started though!  I think we are getting down to the final stages of plans though and so that is fun.  In some ways it is nice that it is going slower as if it was at full speed I don't know if I could keep up.  My brain cylinders are not quite running on full juice these days. 

Update on my Dad.  He is home.  Doing better.  His and Mom's best friends are coming down for a visit this coming week.  So that should be fun and good for all.  I called and chatted with them today to say Hi and share how life was going for all of us.  Dad sounds much MUCH better than he did at Christmas as he is off most of his Meds that were making him loopy.  My Mom sounds tired and I wonder when I will be heading south.  My suitcase is still packed.  I kind of feel like I am living half ready to leave all the time.  Fortunately school travels well. 

Church

So, when we first came back from Mongolia, we felt that there were enough transitions in our life right then that working on finding and looking at a bunch of churches every week for the first 3 months or 6 months or year would not be helpful to our family.  So we picked a nearby Christian church and attended regularly.  We enjoyed it.  Made good friends.  Had fun!  Attended Awana club.  Went to Sunday school.  This last summer though we were all feeling like we had this living back in America thing pretty well under control and now we could go check out some other churches and see if we were interested in switching.  We had also made some good friends at other churches and so decided to try that out.  In doing this we were in no way putting down our church as we had enjoyed much good fellowship there!  It was just time we felt to move on.  So, we have moved on and are now attending "Burger Baptist" or truly the First Baptist church in Ontario.  It is right behind an old burger joint - closed on Sundays - and so has a nickname of Burger Baptist. 

Life & Lowes

We met on Monday with the concrete & foundation contractor  at our building site which was quite exciting!  We now have a final floor plan and can start moving forward.  This is very exciting to be moving forward.  Dustin has gotten the road built into the house and now we need to get that road rocked.  Then it will be ready to begin moving upward.  We need to have a couple of meetings and figure out some stuff but we are moving forward. 

Today we visited Lowe's building store.  This was SO fun!  I had a ball.  Didn't buy anything, but had a grand time wandering around.  It is a store that you could spend a lot of money in if you wanted, but we were mostly just looking!  I could have had a fun time just wandering around in there for a couple of hours and would have totally enjoyed it!    We found some great plumbing fixtures and kitchen cabinets and appliances.  It was fun!    

Interesting Christmas etc.

So life is interesting!  I never did get a Christmas newsletter sent out.  I who used to send one out just about every month, from Mongolia! with not too many failures, haven't sent one for quite a bit.  Seems my brain is only firing on a few cylinders.  I guess I better write one!  Sorry!

Christmas was fun.  It was in Reno, NV with all family, even my youngest brother who lives in Tenn.  So that was fun.  We had a girls day out and a boys day out.  The boys went to Cabelas, and UNR and the Reno Planetarium - very cool place!  Girls went out for lunch and some shopping at the book store and Old Navy.  We had a wonderful Christmas despite everything.  No business discussions, but lots of how can we help, who needs what, and lots of "I love You!'s" were said!

Cancer land is an interesting place though.  It affects all who are involved to some extent.  Even though we are not there directly helping my Dad get to the hospital every day and dealing with the ins and outs of doctor appointments it is definitely directly involved in our lives every day.  I have a suitcase packed in my closet ready to go to help my Mom at the drop of a hat.  I am not booking myself for much of anything on a more than day to day basis.  I who love to plan about 5 years out and 5 months out  and 5 weeks out am having a hard time planning anything hard and fast that is more than 5 days out.  Cancer really puts a damper on much planning as everything is so uncertain.  This week is the last full week of treatments though he goes through Wednesday of next week due to some skipped days during the holidays.  Dad has been doing OK, but boy Drugs are nasty things.  They make you think and do things that are weird!  I know they are supposed to be helping, but they sure do their own damage.  Dad has gotten much weaker - using a walker now - and the other day got up to go without the walker - well gee he hasn't needed one for 66+ years!  And fell and broke his shoulder.  This adds further complications, but so far seems to be OK.  Surgery is tomorrow, so I guess I will see if I use that packed suitcase. 

The only Constant is Change

I was reading a website the other day that had a lot of interesting sayings on it and this one caught my eye.  I think because that is how I have felt lately.  But then what really struck me was that although right now, I may feel like my world is in an out of control tailspin and everything is changing I know the one CONSTANT in life!  I have felt in my soul a peace that I have never known before.  My outside senses and layers closer to the surface of my life may be spinning but the deep down part of me is at peace!  Like my core is in the eye of the storm that seems to be raging around me right now.  It has been interesting.  It is like the "Footprints" poem - I think I know that I am being carried.  Where God can and sometimes does say to the Storm of life - "Peace, be still".  But sometimes he instead calms His Child. "My Peace I give to you."  I am definitely feeling the "Peace on earth"  It is a peace that passes understanding!  This is even in the last month, when life has taken it on the chin.  I have cried more in the last month, than in the last several years.  It does not take much to make me cry either.  It has been rough!  It has been a little hard getting ready for Christmas, but good and fun at the same time.  I didn't decorate much this year, I had already packed my ornaments, but I did get presents wrapped! 

An update on my Dad.  We are all meeting there in Reno, for Christmas.  Should be a fun, but bittersweet time as well.  All my siblings will be there and even my Grandpa.  My Dad was doing very well with the first two weeks of treatments but the third week - apparently typically hard - has been a rough one!  Much weaker, more slurring of words.  I am sure frustrating to him as he is so concise!  My Mom is doing wonderful!  She is a huge support to Dad and has been taking care of herself though as well.  She went to the Chiropractor and was told she should probably be getting a massage at least once a week, something we had been encouraging too! 

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us!  We definitely feel it!  Please pray for the kids. I think that for me, and my brother, right now it is hard to picture our kids growing up without their grandpa in their lives.  So pray for us, and them. 
Merry Christmas!

N F R - National Finals Rodeo!

A big Rodeo. What a production! Vegas is a BIG town. There is a lot going on all the time there. What fun it was to be there though. We took my grandpa - an 86 yr old Cowboy. He had a ball. It was mostly for him that we went as I am learning we need to take these opportunities while they exist. Sometimes life doesn't give second chances. And it sure doesn't last as long and full as I think it should sometimes.  So what fun to take Grandpa and my son to see the Best of the Best in Rodeo. The town is hopping but we really had a ton of fun even if we are definitely not city dwellers! But the fun part is that the majority of the people we were sharing space with are country people as well and so we really had a fun time with everything.  Grandpa tires easy and so we kept a very low key schedule. Went to the rodeo on Sunday afternoon and totally enjoyed it! Cream of the crop cowboys! Incredible show! No wasted time at this rodeo! There was no stopping for any wasted time.  The only time there was any stopping from RODEO was when there were paramedics in the arena.  Then it was very neat - the announcer asked us to pray. No bones about it, but just pray, for the cowboy, the paramedics, the rodeo family. 
No boring explanations about the rodeo and minimal time talking by the announcers although they were good announcers. Pure Rodeo! It was fun! While with everything else that is going on this fall it made for a tight fall, I am glad we went. Life is short so enjoy the ride!

Cows and thier lessons!

A life lesson from a cow
We were out moving some of our cows the other day. The neighbor cows had pushed down our gate and gotten in with our cows. The personality of the two groups of cows was  very obvious from the beginning. Even the cows knew it. They had segregated themselves even though they were all in the same field eating. We were trying to get our neighbor cows out and leave our cows in. My son had the whip and was on the gator. No cows were close to him nor were they going to get close as he was hitting the ground hard with the whip and they wanted no part of that. Mom - me - was glad of that and encouraged him to stand his ground. With that whip and the noise he made the cows wouldn't come anywhere near him.  And they didn't!
We have also learned that our cows take their Mom duties very seriously - like me. They are quite gentle and are fine with us being out there in the field even if we are making them move somewhere else they are fine with us being right by them. Their last owner treated them kind of like pets. But when they have brand new baby calves they become much more watchful. They will still let us come in with them we can even catch calves and give them their shots but mama cows sure watch. We think this is great due to the coyote population  near us being more than we would like.

Life!

I am still reeling in life.  I feel like I could cry over anything, I sometimes say things that don't make sense, or don't need said.  Not in frustration, but in just not thinking through things very well. I feel like my brain is firing on half the cylinders.  But life must go on!
Had a good chat with an old friend the other day, laughed and cried together.
Helping my son as he works through things.  That for me is the hardest.  I am 34 and have my Grandpa here to enjoy my kids!  Why not have the same for him?  That's hard!

Different topic -  We have been looking for a place to move to - as if we didn't have enough going on!  But that all aside, we found a ranch that has been repo'd by a bank.  Is now for sale, so we made an offer on it - no house, just land!  Beautiful place - see pictures!  But they are taking forever to get the paperwork done.  I have a contractor waiting to start on the house etc. but now am waiting on the bank who owns it to get their ducks in a row so we can buy it! 

Our view from our house spot

Someone else's dreams were here too!

Doesn't that look like a FUN backyard!

Shocker number 2

So I am ready to get out of the pool! I am pretty sure I am doing fine. Life is moving forward it seems though I have wondered how a few times. It is hard with my dad having cancer treatments and just wondering where that is going to go to. Has been a thrown curve all that I am not seeming to be able to catch. But at least I feel like my whole family is right together on this roller coaster ride together! That is good. We are all hanging together and talking a lot together. So I praise God for that.

So the next curve ball is my Grandpa. He has suddenly decided that he needs to get married. So all of us are wondering how that is all going to pan out. In some way we understand and in others we aren't quite ready for another shocker right now. So it has added another loop de loop to the roller coaster. I used to like those wild rides at the fair but not sure I still do. I guess we will see how this one plays out.

A Sucker Punch

Just a few emotions I have had in the last few days.
Shock . . . Love! . . . Why are my eyes so puffy? . . . MY Dad? . . . Sad!. . . Aggressive Cancer? . . .  I am so tired . . . Can we rewind? . . .  Is this a bad dream? . . . WHAT? . . . LOTS OF LOVE!!! . . . Supported . . . Cared for . . . Prayed for . . . PEACE . . . Reeling . . . Chemo . . . Radiation . . . Confusion . . . Grace! . . . So glad for the trip to Mongolia this summer with my Dad! . . . Sad! . . . Prayed for . . . Stage 4 . . . 14 -16 months . . . Balding . . .Care . . . Love . . . Sadness . . . Lost . . . Tears . . . PEACE . . . Knowing that God is really in control . . . Cancer? . . . Pray! . . . Can I wake up now? . . . This is reality! . . .love! . . . What is on the Bucket List? . . .Off my axis . . . Peace. . . Family is amazing! . . . Numb . . . love . . . Spinning . . . That is too short! . . . Will the Doc be right?. . . Comfort . . . Sad . . .Making plans . . . Grace  . . . Incredibly blessed! . . . Peace . . . Joy . . . Love!

Dad went in to the ER last Saturday because he was unsteady adn could not walk well.  He had some tests done and by Sunday afternoon had a surgery scheduled for Monday morning first thing to have a brain tumor removed that was the size of a lemon.  We were on the road headed down there on Monday afternoon.  As you can see there are many emotions in this sort of thing!  I have never walked this road before, and did not know I ever would!  As we head into the the next months of treatments and special times, it is with a new look at the Tim McGraw song - Live like you were dying!  You look at what is really important.  You look at the things you want your son to remember about Grandpa.  You look at your family and are SO immeasurably blessed to have a family who love and support each other, who look and say how can we help and give of themselves to help and love and show love to others!  What a blessing!  So even as we are all reeling from this shock we are standing together to sway and hold each other up  as we realize that God has this whole situation in hand!  He can calm the storm or he can calm his children!  What a blessing!

Packing an Elk!

Dustin went elk hunting with his muzzle loader.  He got a beautiful elk.  It was up on a high - hard - to get to bluff.  There was a lot of Lava flows to climb over to get to this.  It was only a mile and a half from the pickup, but it was the longest, and hardest mile and a half climb I have ever been on.  With 200 pounds of meat between us.  We got up there in the middle of the day and as we were coming down it was dark.  We got to the truck after dark after caching about half the meat a ways up the mountain.  We made a trek out.  It was pretty dark by the time we made it to the truck.  It was a late night but now we are going to enjoy our elk!  It was definitely a hard won meal.  We now have about 200  pounds of meat in the freezer.  It should be yummy!

Why it is called . . . . . . . Hunting!

This past week we have learned why Hunting season is called HUNTING.  Not shooting deer, or finding lots of game, but hunting.  Last year when we hunted we had 3 deer hanging within the first 3 days of the season.  It was great.  This year, we hunted, and hunted, and . . . . you get the picture.  No deer.  It has been funny to observe ourselves, as we have hiked many miles with our rifles slung over our shoulders.  We have all crashed early, only to get up and try again.    It began to seem like we were hitting repeat every day.  It was always - up the next draw or over the next little ridge.  We were hunting for meat, not a trophy, just meat - trophy would be nice though.  We looked very carefully at many dead sagebrush plants that had suddenly morphed to become at least one trophy size buck.  With our Binoculars for crying out loud!  It seems that they do this only during deer season.  Will see if the strange phenomenon continues during elk season.  We all enjoyed our time though, and so did the deer.  They are hiding behind their sagebrush laughing at us!