Life!

I am still reeling in life.  I feel like I could cry over anything, I sometimes say things that don't make sense, or don't need said.  Not in frustration, but in just not thinking through things very well. I feel like my brain is firing on half the cylinders.  But life must go on!
Had a good chat with an old friend the other day, laughed and cried together.
Helping my son as he works through things.  That for me is the hardest.  I am 34 and have my Grandpa here to enjoy my kids!  Why not have the same for him?  That's hard!

Different topic -  We have been looking for a place to move to - as if we didn't have enough going on!  But that all aside, we found a ranch that has been repo'd by a bank.  Is now for sale, so we made an offer on it - no house, just land!  Beautiful place - see pictures!  But they are taking forever to get the paperwork done.  I have a contractor waiting to start on the house etc. but now am waiting on the bank who owns it to get their ducks in a row so we can buy it! 

Our view from our house spot

Someone else's dreams were here too!

Doesn't that look like a FUN backyard!

Shocker number 2

So I am ready to get out of the pool! I am pretty sure I am doing fine. Life is moving forward it seems though I have wondered how a few times. It is hard with my dad having cancer treatments and just wondering where that is going to go to. Has been a thrown curve all that I am not seeming to be able to catch. But at least I feel like my whole family is right together on this roller coaster ride together! That is good. We are all hanging together and talking a lot together. So I praise God for that.

So the next curve ball is my Grandpa. He has suddenly decided that he needs to get married. So all of us are wondering how that is all going to pan out. In some way we understand and in others we aren't quite ready for another shocker right now. So it has added another loop de loop to the roller coaster. I used to like those wild rides at the fair but not sure I still do. I guess we will see how this one plays out.

A Sucker Punch

Just a few emotions I have had in the last few days.
Shock . . . Love! . . . Why are my eyes so puffy? . . . MY Dad? . . . Sad!. . . Aggressive Cancer? . . .  I am so tired . . . Can we rewind? . . .  Is this a bad dream? . . . WHAT? . . . LOTS OF LOVE!!! . . . Supported . . . Cared for . . . Prayed for . . . PEACE . . . Reeling . . . Chemo . . . Radiation . . . Confusion . . . Grace! . . . So glad for the trip to Mongolia this summer with my Dad! . . . Sad! . . . Prayed for . . . Stage 4 . . . 14 -16 months . . . Balding . . .Care . . . Love . . . Sadness . . . Lost . . . Tears . . . PEACE . . . Knowing that God is really in control . . . Cancer? . . . Pray! . . . Can I wake up now? . . . This is reality! . . .love! . . . What is on the Bucket List? . . .Off my axis . . . Peace. . . Family is amazing! . . . Numb . . . love . . . Spinning . . . That is too short! . . . Will the Doc be right?. . . Comfort . . . Sad . . .Making plans . . . Grace  . . . Incredibly blessed! . . . Peace . . . Joy . . . Love!

Dad went in to the ER last Saturday because he was unsteady adn could not walk well.  He had some tests done and by Sunday afternoon had a surgery scheduled for Monday morning first thing to have a brain tumor removed that was the size of a lemon.  We were on the road headed down there on Monday afternoon.  As you can see there are many emotions in this sort of thing!  I have never walked this road before, and did not know I ever would!  As we head into the the next months of treatments and special times, it is with a new look at the Tim McGraw song - Live like you were dying!  You look at what is really important.  You look at the things you want your son to remember about Grandpa.  You look at your family and are SO immeasurably blessed to have a family who love and support each other, who look and say how can we help and give of themselves to help and love and show love to others!  What a blessing!  So even as we are all reeling from this shock we are standing together to sway and hold each other up  as we realize that God has this whole situation in hand!  He can calm the storm or he can calm his children!  What a blessing!