Sounds.....Scents ....Memories......

Three years ago while we were attending the county fair I got a phone call that jolted and changed my life.  Seemed to start the beginning of a time of stretching, growing, falling, crying, getting up, getting knocked down and out, a time of grief.  My Grandma, who had just had surgery, which had gone well and things were looking good for had gone into a comma that she would not awake from.  Last week, I got the same phone call, but this time about my Grandpa.  This was a little more expected, but still just as hard of news.  3 major people in my life all gone in a 3 year time frame.  I guess the light that seemed be getting brighter in the tunnel was another train.  I think that I will always have that feeling of being on a tilt-a-whirl now when I am at the county fair.  Like life is spinning out of control.  Hearing the screams from the "zipper" carnival ride in one ear while hearing that your life is changing in a drastic way in the other. 

Scent is a powerful memory trigger.  The fresh cut smell of grass reminding you of summer.  The smell of rain showers on sagebrush. The scent of roses. The smell of a nursing home. This evening my husband got out the chainsaw to cut a piece of wood for a friend who was over.  That scent takes me back.  All my life we have had wood stoves to heat our houses so wood cutting has always been important.  Both of my Grandpas were Tree Farmers.  The smells and sounds associated with cutting wood with a chain saw brings back flashes of memories from all my life.  Cutting logs with my Grandpa Glenn.  Trimming trees with Grandpa Gene.  Hauling wood with my Dad.  It was interesting as I was almost crying just because the load of memories that scent dropped on my heart.  I love the smell, but so many people associated with that smell have gone on before me.   The memories are good, but they still hurt.  My emotional reserves have been depleted.  The memories hit hard and at odd times for odd reasons.  Life is interesting. 

Life is a canvas - throw all the paint on it you can!      - Kaye