A Year

Somehow a year has flown past and the tiny little bundle that I brought home a year ago is now walking around things, crawling incredibly fast, starting to say words to communicate, having an opinion, giving huge grins, the cutest giggle in the world, and getting new teeth.  How did that happen so fast?  One day at a time I guess.  Z was born 3 weeks early.  A much more planned and sane and easily dealt with C-section than the last one.  No racing down the hall and deer in the headlights look.  He was breech and had the cord around his neck twice.  But he was fine at 5 lbs. 11oz.  Tiny and healthy and fine.  Perfect for those tiny baby pictures that are so cute.  Now he is hard to get a good picture of cause he is always on the move.  Doesn't seem to have any fear.  Climbed out of his crib the other day.  Fortunately he can't get on the furniture yet to fall off of.  It is fun and interesting watching a baby grow and develop.  While he is getting much more independent, there is still so much he relies on me for.  He still wants picked up and carried.  Keeps an eye on his mom.  Gives the biggest grins to his family.  Likes to yell loudly to hear the echo in the Home Depot bathroom.  Just fun.  Cute as cute.  Everyone says so.  And it is true.  Very fun little personality.  Lots of energy.  Good napper.  Loves to visit with people.  Loves animals. 

Remodeling....

I loved the process of building our home.  The fun memories. The early mornings and late nights.  The chop saw in the living room.  The old and new friendships forged.  Beautiful trim work.  A puzzle of putting cabinets in working to make the kitchen perfect.  All the many pieces put together to make a beautiful home.
Now, much sooner than I ever thought and in a way that I never planned for, I am remodeling my home.  I built a house with a guest room, a school room and an office upstairs and a master, kid room and family room downstairs in the walk out basement.  No extra bedroom that could easily be made into a nursery.  So I have had a fun and interesting time playing with my house.  I needed to combine some rooms.  So I moved my couch and TV family room up to combine with the guest room upstairs.  Crispin came over one day and built (I elfed) a murphy bed cabinet in the guest room so that now this room does double duty.  I have a comfortable Queen bed for a guest bed when our many guests are here, but I have a great family room for the rest of the time.  Downstairs, with a friend I put together a bunch of the cube type shelving units and built a wall.  We backed it with tongue in groove cedar boards creating a new room.  Very cute.  Very functional.  Provides storage space as well as a dresser for those many items that babies need and use!  I set up the crib. The changing table.  I think I am about as ready as I can get.  I even packed a diaper bag and a bag to go to the hospital with me.  Hoping we don't have to grab and go with it though! 

Field Trips....

Went on a fun field trip today.  We have started school as I am trying at least to get a little ahead of the train that is coming down my track this winter and so while we still have some fun summer activities planned we are also beginning school!  I love field trips!  They are one of my favorite things about homeschooling is the ability to make real life applications to school and go and see and do things that are so applicable to life.  We last year studied about lots of gold rushes and gold mining and that sort of topic.  One near and dear to my family as Dad was a geologist.  We went to Idaho City today and explored around there with some other homeschool kids.  So much history.  A small town now that once was the biggest city in the Northwest.  A true boom town.  Once the capital of Idaho.  It was fun roaming around and exploring.  Explaining the different parts of mining.  What a dredge is and what it does.  How a stamp mill operates.  Surface land rights and Mineral rights.  Just lots of different things.  It was fun.  We all had fun.  It was odd too.  I could almost see my Dad there with us, as he totally would have been there if I could have asked him.  Explaining all these things.  Showing them how to pan for gold.  Doing all the things that I know about, but that he knew so well.  We would have had such fun roaming through the cemetery wondering together what the stories of some of these people were.  Natives of other countries.  Coming here to die over a century ago in some small Idaho wilderness area mining boom town.  Interesting times.  Fun memories.  Life is interesting.

This years Shock!

I really should have posted this about a month ago, but simply was not quite brave enough to. 

As many of you all know, after my son was born in making his dramatic and very traumatic entrance into this world I have never been too excited about the idea of having any more kids.  After two miscarriages I was pretty sure that was the end of that project and was quite content with my one!  Needless to say though  the IUD stayed in place to do its job.  So it came as an incredible shock to see on the ultrasound screen, when I went in to check out some things, a small baby right next to the IUD, hanging out and growing and very healthy.  The range of emotions has been wide and rollercoasterish.   From Anger, to shock, to complete disbelief, with petrified being the constant.  I so desperately wanted to call Dad.  I so do not want to go down this path again.  But, I am, so I am getting used to it a little bit.  Still not too excited, but I can at least think about it without crying.   Not a whole lot I can do about it – I guess that is why it takes a while to grow a baby.  I think I will get to the excited stage sometime before he gets here.  Anyway, I did have a genetic test done to see if there was anything going on that way = and HE is healthy and fine.  And yes, he is a HE.  That was a good bit of news.  We have been thinking on names.  Thinking on how to have a baby room in a house I just designed and finished building for 3.  He is due on Dec. 3.  But will be a planned C-section, a little earlier.  My 10 year was shocked – though I don’t think as much as his Mom, and he is excited too.  So that is good.  I did not tell him until he was back from his trip.  I had an ultrasound on July 8^th.  So far, I am looking mostly normal depending on what shirt I wear.  I can wear my regular jeans that were about to be too big, but were still comfortable.  I have only gained about 5 pounds, but he is beginning to readjust my insides.  So far this has been a great pregnancy as far as that goes.  No sickness or anything. 

     Based on that Due date Christmas and Thanksgiving will be interesting this year. 

Care Packages . . . .

We have all been on the receiving end of care packages.  Always makes you feel loved... Blessed... Encouraged.  Whether these are the fun candy bar with a post it note or a much more elaborate job, we are all blessed to be on the receiving end of a package.  When we lived in Mongolia, we were very blessed many times by various people sending us packages.  With a wide variety of contents.  My Dad and Mom loved packing these boxes and it was always a treat to open them and see what sort of treasures there would be.  When we were building our house - we got wire nuts - unheard of there.  Potty training when we only had an outhouse - we got a port-a-loo bucket kit.  There was always some sort of candy.  A fun Thomas the tank engine pieces for my son.  Good books. Some sort of spices.  A tool.  But these packages were always a wonderful treat!


Over the last few months Dustin has been accumulating items to go in a huge care package.  Not that we are financing this one, mostly people are shipping some of their own stuff to us to load although there are quite a few items that they have sent the list and the cash and asked us to find the items.  This all culminated last week when a 40 foot long shipping container showed up at our loading dock to be loaded.  Dustin was concerned that it all would not fit.  Instead the opposite was true - there was empty air space.  We don't want to send air, so lets try to fill the space.  This container has all sorts of things.  From farm equipment, seeds, plastic sheeting, greenhouse supplies, plant materials, 2 wood burning stoves, stove pipe, 2 pallets of dog food.  A trailer.  A baler. It has been a fun group activity filling this container.  The guys at the local building supply let me use their strapping material to tie the stuff together.  The guy who built our road came out with his little skid steer to help get stuff packed in.  Dustin loaded and stacked.  I helped.  I ran errands.  Picked up random pieces of stuff to go in the container.  Today was a funny day getting a last biggish item - a 4 wheeler.  A combination of lots of looking on craigslist.  Lots of phone calls. Texting. International calling.  And a "just in" trade in knowing a friend who knew a place to get a good deal.  Thank God for all the fun friendships we have made.  People who have helped us out.  People who have contributed to a work half way around the world to be a blessing.  To fill a big care package!  Thanks all!

When in the Caribbean....

We have been having a wonderful trip so far.  Have very much enjoyed the getting warm.  Especially  
when I learned this morning that it snowed 3 inches last night at home. . . . As we are in the Caribbean I appropriately got a little sunshine . . . it is already brown.  . . . It did look VERY red for about a day though.  Our room steward was teasing me though when he saw my tan line that I looked like his country flag with my white feet and red shoulders.   

When I had very long hair, I always thought it would be fun to get my hair put in cornrows or braids with beads.  I never did.  Too much hair.  Would have taken more patience and time than I was willing to give.  But Mom and I went and got the top parts of our hair braided.  I guess when in the Caribbean….  We have gotten SO many comments on it.  From all colors of people.  On and off the boat.  Has been pretty funny.  Not sure what my beautician will say when we have to take them out, but it was certainly fun. 

While we are very much enjoying a vacation, life back to “normal” is sounding appealing.  While having no schedule is nice and enjoyable, I am missing having a check off list.  Talked to friends today who life is hitting their fan and it is hard.  Sometimes life throws those curve balls.  I have gotten hit with a lot of them in the last few years and I know they hurt.  I have been very grateful that my soul is anchored deep.  I have thought that I was drifting loose a few times and that my ropes had been cut, but always even in some big storms there was an anchor holding me.  People are going to fail me.  Friends will too.  But I know my soul is anchored firmly and there is always that hope.  It can always be well with my soul even when life is hitting my fan. 

Sizes... What is BIG?

In my family I am the smallest person.  All my siblings are taller.  My one nephew has passed me up and I figure that most of them will as my son is now trying to as well.   And in reality will pass me sooner than later.  In my husband’s family though, I am as tall or taller than all the men.  As I have worked out and worked hard all my life I am pretty strong as well and not a small delicate frame.  Making me a capable and active person.  I enjoyed this last couple of years  in projects.  Of making a dream into a reality.  Turning pictures in my head into one on the ground.  My size didn’t hurt in getting things done even if the contractors did call me an elf. 

As we have been traveling the last few days we have seen a variety of sizes.  In people for sure.  But also in man made things.  We flew out of Boise on a medium size plane.  Still seating over 250 people.  In Denver  landing on a runway near a newer airport.  Also huge.  Arriving Miami and walking – according to Mom’s pedometer over a half mile one way to get to the other end of the baggage claim area.  Feeling small.  Arriving at the docks to find our boat.  Semi –trucks and shipping containers – full sized – usually seeming huge now dwarfed by the gigantic ship.   Huge cargo ships next dock over.  Dwarfing the cranes and containers.  The true meaning of PanaMAX.  Getting on a cruise ship is like moving into a new town.  Wandering around a bit lost.  Figuring out where to go for what.  Important things like where is the stateroom.  The kids play area.  The promenade deck that you can make 3 laps around and you have walked a mile.  A big ship.  19 decks. Most you can enter.  Some are not full decks, but still a big boat.  A floating city.  As we left Miami though and are now a whole days sailing from the mainland you realize how small we really are.  As people.  Here we are on the seemingly huge boat and now in the middle of the VAST ocean feeling so small.  So insignificant.  So puny.  So vulnerable.  In the big picture of the world we are so tiny.  And yet all our thoughts are important.  There is a BIG God who does care for each and every one of us.  Who wants us to make good choices.  Who desires us to follow him.  Who cares about us more deeply than we can imagine.  Truly amazing. 

On the Boat

 The sea here is so incredibly blue.  Dark. Rich. Today it was choppy and Mom was a bit seasick.  So not so fun.  I was fine.  I do pretty good in the bad ocean.    Lots of people on this boat.  Lot of people who are older.  Folks who are drinking way too much.  People who have no business wearing 2 piece bathing suits wearing them and laying out in the sun.  Funny.  Older people.  Younger folks.  A few families.  Not too many kids.  Pretty quiet.  Interesting entertainment.  Interesting people.  Met several folks from Oregon.  A guy this morning from Idaho.  So near at home.  Meeting in the Caribbean.  Good Food.  Almost all you can eat at almost any time.  And very good.  A variety of options.  Different cultures food.  Today there was Indian curry.  Good.  And of course seafood.  Seafood is always amazing of course.  Dad always  said that if we are within 400 miles of the ocean always is a good chance of having good seafood.  As we are on the ocean I guess we are close enough.  Salmon omelets for breakfast.  Shrimp for dinner.  I am a lover of seafood.  So is my family and so we are all very much enjoying that!  We have been having fun meeting some of our fellow travelers.  Our son is enjoying the fun activities on the kids program.  As we did school ahead all we have to do is math.  This is making his vacation wonderful.  It has been fun.  We have been playing some games and reading some interesting books.  Played croquet on the rocking deck number 19.  Made for some new creative rules as our “lawn” was rocking.  We have walked the deck and enjoyed the sun.  It was supposed to be 7 degrees at home and so wearing a tank top and sandals sounds and feels amazing! Our room is small and not too interesting.   We are enjoying the outside and the decks and all.  It is warm and so being outside has been so fun.  Working on my tan.  Haven’t gotten burned yet.  A bit pink.    

Dedication ... In Honor ...

Monday this week was a wonderful day but a different one.  A dedication of a gift.  A Legacy passed on to many. A Legacy outlives a life.  A Legacy continues.  The Gift continues to give.  We as a family were so blessed to share a day of life with friends and family.  Good friends with lots of support and love.  We enjoyed a day of fun and memories shared.  Dedicated a plane to send to Indonesia with MAF.  In memory of my Dad.  MAF made the day very special with a couple of speeches, some interesting tours and presentations.  Thank you to so many who worked to make the day possible.  Thank you to all my friends who came and showed support to me, to my family.  Thank you to my Dad.  A memory shared of a life lived well. A legacy passed on.  One who loved much and passed on that love and those gifts.  Thank you Dad. 

Writing . . . Notes . . .

Notes are funny.  They sometimes mean things and have history others would understand and sometimes... Not so much.  Grocery lists.  Questions that need an answer. Important things on good paper - or a post it note.  We all have distinctive handwriting.  Some legible. Some not.  Some childish.  Cursive. Print. Somewhere in between.  Distinct.  Unique. 

In the last few weeks looking through and working on different things I have discovered notes written by my Grandparents and Dad.  One - a note of history explained on an old horse collar from a harness.  My Grandpas distinctive handwriting telling the history of who bought and used this particular piece of equipment.  Interesting.  Lots of life in that note! As precious as the antique itself.
Another - looking for a card in my card notebook.  My Mom had kept track and sent Birthday cards for us when we lived in Mongolia.  I found a random note stuck in there by my Dad.  Again his distinctive script.  Asking a question to himself that he must have thought of.  Caring.  About me an my family.  A question to ask me.  Wondering.  Always thinking of others.  I could hear him asking the questions.  Thinking the thoughts.  Could read his care in needing the answer. 

Notes . . . I guess we should keep them.  Interesting for people to find.  To see.  To remind.  To bring a smile or a tear.  Not that I am going to keep all my random notes - I write plenty - but it has just been fun and interesting.  Discovering bits of life that brings back memories.  Interesting though.  I was ready to call Dad up and answer his question.  Couldn't.  So that was interesting.  Not quite as raw.  But life. 

Getting Ready....

So when you go out these days everyone asks if you are ready for Christmas.  When you are shopping... meeting friends... at church... getting coffee... at the post office... out to eat... everywhere.  I guess that Christmas is coming whether I am ready or not.  I think I am a little more ready for Christmas than I was last year.  In this month last year I was building my house.  Putting in long and fun hours that would put the finishing touches on our house project.  It made for a busy Christmas season and while Christmas comes around every year on the same day, I kind of got caught off guard when it was Christmas.  My mom came over and we enjoyed a fun Christmas together but had been working hard too.  Our house was finished soon after and I was glad we had put in those long hours.  But getting ready for Christmas this year has been fun.  Have a beautiful home to host Christmas parties in.  We had a wonderful one last night. 
I know there will be a hole at our Christmas celebration.  A couple of them actually.  My Grandparents did not get the Christmas card that I sent out as it is hard to get them sent to heaven.  My Dad wont get one either for the same reason.   Trying to get ready for those memories as they are going to hit.  This makes all of the Christmas memories bitter and sweet.  Sad and fun to remember at the same time.  The memories hurt and bring tears at the oddest of times.  They make you wonder.  They make you want to run.  They make you glad for what you have.  There is a lot of life in the memories.  Lots of living.  Lots of things that have been gotten ready for.  My Dad got ready for heaven all his life.  So did my Grandparents.  Not that they were perfect.  We all make mistakes.  Do things wrong.  Do things right. But tried.  I guess we all get ready for life  and the occasions that it brings.  The legacy he left behind is going to continue on.  The memories and love will continue.

Sizes

Since my son was born we have always said he looks more like my husbands family and yet has the build of my side of the family.  When he was born he had feet much too long for those tiny newborn socks or shoes.  When we lived in Mongolia I could only buy his shoes at the German shoe shop.  They would send containers of used clothing and shoes to Mongolia, kind of like a thrift store that came to another country.  The shoes would be quality not found on the new shoe racks in the market.  If I looked at those shoes and would try them on my son, the shoes were about half again as wide as his feet were as he had such long thin feet.  As he grew I would joke with him that when he got to be the same size of shoes that I wear, I would go shoe shopping!  Well today we went shopping for some sandals.  Going on vacation and needed shoes that could do a beach.  We were trying on shoes and I realized that my 10 year old was wearing my size shoe!  Yikes.  I guess I better go shoe shopping or he will be outgrown of my size! 

Cold . . . Rembering . . . .

It has gotten cold here the last few days.  Plumbers and heating guys and electricians putting in long hours getting power, water, electricity back on to people who have lost them.  It was -11 here on Sunday morning.  We were blessed as all our vehicles started and the tractor has a cab - no heater - but still a cab to sit in out of the wind while plowing snow.  The 8 inches of snow we woke up to has definitely not melted.  So I have been feeding the fire and staying warm.  The cows are now getting fed and they seem to think that is a good plan for them.  They need those calories each day. 
 The baby calves are all so fuzzy and hairy.  Looking so cute and curious still.

As this fall has hit I keep remembering back to last year at this same time.  This week last year I was putting on the deck and going into the crazy month of December when we spent LLOONNNGGG days working on the house.  Painting. Trimming. Putting in flooring. Cabinets. Electricity.... all kinds of stuff.  Lots of fun.  Good memories made. Strong friendships forged. Laughter. Sweat. Tears. Blood. Pencils sharpened. Writing on the walls. Splinters. New drills. The day we finally had power.  The house still "shutting off". Driving in the dark both to and from our house. The absolute darkness at our new house.  Snowy roads. Birthday brownies. Generators running. Inspectors. Shelving. Friends. Tiles. The end in sight. Packing boxes. Lunches on the floor. Discovery of things new.  Mistakes. Questions. Lack of sleep. Fun. Laughter. Creating. I loved it.  I am still enjoying the benefits of it.  What fun and interesting times of life.  The way they change and mold us.  Would not change it for the world.  But how has it all changed me? 

Decorating.... Thoughts.....

While I am definitely not "Martha Stewart" I do enjoy decorating.  I have laughed at myself many times over the last year though as I have debated what needs to go where in my new house.  I realized today that a year ago this week I was screwing down deck boards and the sheetrock guys were making the walls no longer able to be walked through.  I still have several blank walls that I still have not decided what should belong there.  It has been an experience.  A fun one. Sometimes funny!

This year we get to celebrate Christmas in our new house.  We are getting a Christmas tree.  Today we hung up lights on my beautiful deck.  We set up the Snowy Village scene.  The Nativity Scene.  Got the Advent Calendar out.  The small snowmen.  Sorted through a pile of tree decorations and figure out where the tree should go in our house.  We had so much fun.  I realized that last year I did not do much for Christmas decorating.  We did have a tree - I have pictures - and I think it just had lights on it!  And presents underneath it. I was busy building a home.  The year before that was Christmas in Reno in a hotel around Cancer treatments.  I have pictures of this Christmas too.  Many in my head and heart and several on film as well.  One of those "lasts."  The year before that had been hosting Thanksgiving at the ranch and so I had kind of decorated for Christmas too.  But it has been a while since I had truly gotten to decorate for Christmas.  What a treat.  To celebrate for a month!  To have parties to attend.  Christmas lights to enjoy out on my deck.  Enjoy the sights of other decorations as well as I drive around town.  Interesting sorting through the memories as well as the decorations.  Several decorations that my Grandma had painted.  Some I had made or bought for my Dad and my Grandpa.  Realizing anew that they will not be getting a Christmas card from me.  That I could not call them up for any Holiday.  That life may be getting decorated and looking good but there are definitely still spots that cause pain. 

Christmas treasures hidden away in gift wrapped secrets. Music. Mistletoe. Wrapping. Surprises. Secrets. Phone calls. Family time.  Memories shared. Hot Chocolate. Apple Cider. Sledding - I hope! The Christmas story. Friendships built on.  Memories made.

Pond Views

During the last few weeks, I have been holding down the home front.  It has worked really well.  We have had a good time....  Played board games... built a model plane... Had a wonderful visit with my Mom.... watched some movies... Chopped wood... Delivered a couple of calves.... Oiled all the wood trim in my house - looks amazing! - organized the pantry ... took some time off.... Did some fun school. 
While I have been taking care of the cows and my nurse cow and leppy calves I drive by our small pond a couple times a day.  I marvel at the changes in the look of my pond.  Some days it is so dark the only thing you can see is what there is reflected in my headlights. Other times it is dark with reflections off the stormy clouds.... rain spattered ... wind blown .... totally peaceful .... Rocks thrown in making ripples small and large blossoming from the impact... calm.... reflecting... Sometimes I think that my life is reflected like that pond.  All those same feelings and emotions.  Sometimes roiling.  Other times calm.  Peaceful.  Tear spattered.  Rippling around with my life bouncing and hitting the impact of other lives and choices running into mine as well.  Lots of life happening. 
Interesting to see how life continues to be an interesting view.  So watch those ponds.  Enjoy the view.  Enjoy the sun rises and sunsets reflected in the water.  There is so much beauty to be enjoyed each and every day.  Enjoy!    

..... Trips .....

Got Dustin off on his trip today.  He is excited to be going.  We had to be in Boise shortly after 8 in the morning and so left early.  But it was fine.  We were a bit late, but not too bad.  As the airport parking is under construction it was a bit tricky to park.  But he got off and as far as I know is on his way to Mongolia. 
As we were in Boise so early in the day, we went on a field trip. We were as my friend put it "car-schooling". Partly doing reconnaissance for a field trip in the spring with a bunch of boys for Gold Rush Class.  We had a beautiful, amazing drive!  The fall colors were stunning. For about 20 miles following a river through a canyon with incredible views the whole way.  Gold. Red. Orange. Yellow. Some green thrown in. All beautiful. Some reflected on the river and all in amazing contrast to the browns and greens of the canyon.  An incredible study in the colors of fall.  I wanted to rent a convertible and go on a slow drive.  Though I do like my truck.  :)
We wandered through the streets of a town that was once the biggest city in the Northwest.  Now much smaller.  A bunch of historical buildings.  If those walls could talk I am sure the stories would be interesting.  From an old school building that is now the city hall, to a building that was for "Pestilence ward" - or quarantine for the seriously contagious.  An interesting museum built by the man who is called the "father of Boise".  A beautiful new library building.  A pioneer cemetery dating back to the wild days of the town.  1860's.  Over 3000 people buried in this cemetery.  Only about 300 in identifiable graves.  Some with history.  Many unknown.  Many with a story to tell.  Victims of murder, disease, and accidents.  Small children.  Young women. Old and young men.  From all over the world.  Rich. Poor.  Dearly loved. Unknown.  Makes you think.  Where would I fit in that list.  Not being morbid, just thinking.  All those people, the good, the bad, ugly, beautiful, young and old.  You can't escape death.  We should have the hope of the eternal life that comes after.  LIFE is Stronger than Death. 
On our way home we stopped and visited with some friends.  Then home.  We truly are so blessed.  We have wonderful friends.  Lives that connect with ours.  We live in a beautiful country and a beautiful home.  We have families that we can count on and care for.  Truly we are blessed.

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of time, like dew on the tip of a leaf. -Tagore

Processing . . . . .

Last Sunday I got another one of those phone calls. . . The kind you wonder about . . . The kind you don't want to get . . .  At church that morning a friend had mentioned driving by a bad accident on the way there that morning.  As we know a lot of people who drive that road . . . you wonder.  That afternoon I found out.  Good friends.  People I had know since I was a young teenager.  Both parents Gone. . . Driving to church . . . Instantly arriving in heaven . . . Hitting the back of a farm truck hard enough to break the axel on the truck and send it careening into a field. . . Tragic Loss. . . So Fast . . . No preparation - except they had been preparing all their lives.  Parents who were involved.  Loved their kids . . . Excited for some new grandkids in the spring. . . Helped the community . . . Involved . . . Ministers - in heart. . . Caring and loving. . . Funeral was yesterday.  Packed out facility.  Dustin estimated 550 or 600 people.  If there would have been a sharing and impact moments from their lives into each person in attendance - we would still be there!  Good service.  The kids all had the shell shocked look.  Of I have to get through this, but I am still processing.  Not even realizing how much this day will impact them for the next weeks, months and years.  Life changing.  John was so much like my Dad in many ways.  Never had met a stranger.  A minister in heart, but not occupation.  Someone who cared about people.  Would become involved in their lives because he truly cared for them.  Wanted to help them.  Cared about Who you were as a person and how you were doing as a person.  Would travel to see people  . . . Would give you a big daddy hug . . .  So yesterdays funeral was hard . . . Partly because of another big heavenly deposit made from my life . . . and partly due to the ones already made. . . flashbacks . . . A song . . . A word . . . A picture . . . Hitting way too close to the missing in my own life.  I find that the process of grief changes - but never truly goes away.  Things still happen that send you spinning.  Life happens and you wonder if your anchor will hold.  I guess that is when you are being held and carried.

http://www.argusobserver.com/obituaries/john-and-angela-hendricks/article_997ed8c4-31ca-11e3-8aef-001a4bcf887a.html?mode=story

Craigslist finds

I love Craigslist.  As I was building my house I found lots of high end items at low end prices on Craigslist.  My contractors teased me about my finds.  But they appreciated them too.  And as an involved home building homeowner it kept my per square foot price much lower than it could have been.  So I love to find good deals on Craigslist. 
As I have extra calves with no momma - except me - I went looking on - you guessed it - Craigslist - to find a momma cow for my calves.  I needed a milk breed cow one with enough milk production to feed 2-3 calves.  Most beef breeds will not do this so well.  But I really did not want a huge Holstein cow as to me they always look skinny and they are huge!  And sometimes not too good of disposition.  I found Jerseys and Brown Swiss but none ready to take a calf right now - or too far away.  Then one 1/2 Holstein and 1/2 Hereford.  A cross of the beef cow and milk breed cows.  Only 3 years old.  Came with 2 calves that are already 5 months old.  Only just across the border in Idaho.  I went and got her.  So far she is working great.  I don't have to mix bottles up for my extra calf.  He figured out where the meals come from and is quite persistent in getting his food.  She is not really thrilled to have him, but as long as she has some grain to eat she placidly stands there and lets him drink his fill.  He is thrilled to have a momma!  So I now have a milk cow.  Gotta love Craigslist.

Cows . . . Calves . . . and Travel preparations

About a month ago my husband told me that he would like to go back to Mongolia this fall.  Fine with me, but I was not going.  I loved our time in Mongolia. I love many people there, but did not have the emotional energy to plan a long trip on short notice.  So he is going.  As long as there is no irrigation water to move and I don't have to feed cows yet, I can deal with the cows.  They are calving right now though and will continue while he is gone.  So I get to play cow nurse.  Lately I have been playing Mom to some calves and hopefully that stint will be up tomorrow when I go pick up a nurse cow.  The theory is that she will take the two calves that I am bottle feeding and will raise them like a mom cow is supposed to.  As she is 1/2 Holstein she should have plenty of milk for the two calves.  Dustin is going to be gone through much of the calving time and so I have been working on his list of what I need done before he goes on his trip.  He is excited to be going.  I know he will have fun.  I will too.  As he and my son have been hunting over the last few weeks a day here and there, I have gotten all sorts of my projects done.  That has felt nice.  I have a list I am planning to do while he is gone too.  In addition to playing cow nurse. 

Friends

I have realized how blessed I am with the friends I have.  I have friends from college who together we have been through thick and thin times.  Laughed ... cried ... told stories ...  attended church with ....  Homeschooled ... gone to funerals .... vacationed .... business partners together.  So many things and so much history.  I have friends that we made in Mongolia.  People who we now contact on Skype and visit.  Dustin is going back to Mongolia to visit this fall.  I am sure he will have a splendid time.  Friends there that we built houses with ... Visited the Gobi ... lived next to in a Ger (yurt) ... Stumbled through language school with ... Struggled with the cold together ... Shared life together with.  I have friends who I have only met since returning to the states.  Friends that have watched as my life has shattered the last few years.  Friends who have given hugs.... shared coffee.... Vegetables from their gardens when I didn't even get one planted.... Watched my son .... Helped me stain trim boards .... caulk siding ... Build a deck ... Paint .... Trim .... live .... So many things shared.  I have gotten to watch and be with them through life happening in their lives as well.  New jobs... birthday parties ... Christmas .... Rodeos .... Quitting a job.... Helping others... Broken down cars... Sickness and death in their families... kids learning to drive ... Fishing trips... Life! 
I am so blessed and so amazed at the variety of people that are in my life.  Old friends who are close.  New friends with shared new experiences.  Each one bringing a new richness to my life.  Wanting to add back to others the rich blessing that my friends bring to me.  Each person a precious part of my life.  Wanting that richness to continue.  Whether I see and talk to them daily, or not,  I know that my life has been enriched by their love and sharing and by the memories shared.