Cancer cells

This prayer means so much so please say the prayer for everyone and pass it on.

 A cancer cell is a strange cell.
 You can go along for years in remission
 and then one day it pops its head up again.
  If you ever have it you will never be free of it.
 Pray for the day there will be a permanent cure.

Dear God,
 I pray that You will guide someone to find a cure for cancer in 2012
 In Jesus Name, Amen

 In memory of anyone you know who has been struck down by cancer or is  still living with it.  And all the lives affected by it.

Fathers day

Father's Day We all survived today. I had kind of been hoping to skip this year as I knew it was going to be a hard one and it was. I did need to celebrate it though as I have a little boy who loves his Father very much. But I missed my father. I did good putting the days significance in the back of my mind until we got to church and were handed a happy fathers day bulletin. Then my Mom called and we cried together and took a while to get those tears checked. I sat thru Sunday school in class with tears flowing though I don't remember much of what we were reading as I really just wanted to call my Dad for Fathers day. I  have talked to him every year on this day for sure for my whole life. I even found a book the other day that I had bought to give him for Fathers day. That was tough. Having Fathers day fall one day after the 2 month mark didn't help much. Our pastor made a neat comment though that our family was very blessed to have a Dad that we all loved and respected so much to be missing and grieving him so deeply. Very true!  We went out fishing and touring for Fathers day. Didn't catch a thing but we did have fun. Then out to dinner with some friends who had been fishing the same place with the same luck! Home late. But it was a good day. We all survived. Just had to drink lots of water.

Tearful Moments

I am finding it interesting what sends tears coursing down my cheeks as I go through life now.  At Baseball last night, the Dad of one of Kase's team mates just retired from Active Duty and settled here in Vale.  He is now one of the men who so blessed our family as he does the burial detail involving 21 gun salutes, flag folding, and the ceremony involved with a Hero Burial.  When he told me that, I started to cry and just told him "Thank you so much for what you do!" 

Someone sent a youtube video link that was also a good one if you need your tear ducts cleaned out. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70Ikj1hZDnw

I still keep wanting to call Dad and chat with him about how life is going.  Doesn't work too well.  He was always our cheerleader and supporter and had so much wisdom.  My Mom came over to watch Kase in swimming lessons and at his baseball game.  We have such a fun time with her and I love my Mom dearly.  It is a bittersweet time though for all of us as it is in your face that Dad is not with us.  We loved having Mom here and she enjoyed her time too.  Just had some tearful moments.

Red pick-ups

So ever since I was in Junior high pretty much, my Dad drove a red Ford pickup. Once He had a white one but mostly red so it is a truck I associate with my Dad. The other day I was driving into town and a truck like Dads was driving up the road toward me. Maybe because I was stopped at the stop sign and really saw it or something I don't really know but I saw it well.y heart gave a lurch and the unexpectedness of it almost had me bawling in the hardware store. Those odd realities. The "never again" realities of life. These are hard and hurt your heart but you have to just keep walking. Breath in. Breath out.

Summer plans

Summer plans So somehow summer snuck up on me this year. I am a bit overwhelmed with the amount of deferred maintenance that we have worked  on a lot over the last few years and still have a ways to go on this ranch. Now it is on the market though and so I would really just like to sell it. Then someone else can deal with it and make it the way they want. I got  big blueprint plans the other day and that was quite exciting. I am ready to start on that project I think. Should be interesting. And a lot of work. But fun too.  It is so weird though to think that Fathers Day is coming up here in a few weeks and my Dad won't be here to celebrate with or  call or anything. It makes my eyes think they need to cry every time I think about that. So weird. Dad won't be coming to any of my sons baseball games. He will not show up at our mine tour. He won't make it to Marvin's wedding. I still keep thinking he will call me up but he hasn't. And won't. And that is hard. I am trying to move on and adjust to my new normal in life. I am not a basket case and crying all the time at all but it interesting to see what crops up that makes my eyes well up. I think the hardest part is wondering if there is another shoe that is dropping soon. Not sure I can handle another one right now. But I listen to the new Mercy Me song about the hurt - us- and the -healer- God colliding and knowing that one day all the tears will be washed away and the scares will be explained and knowing that it really is well with my soul. God does know what He is about. My dad wouldn't come back if he could. He is where he has had his eye fixed on for 40+ years and is loving heaven.  I know it deep down to be true but sometimes my heart still hurts. And I guess that is good. Summer will continue and the seasons will continue to change. The world is still turning. God is still in his heaven and I still trust in Him.

Moving on. . . .

So it has been a crazy winter and I feel like I am waking from a time warp some days. We wrapped up 3rd grade today! How much fun this s hook year has been. I love being a teacher almost all the time! There has been so much change this year though that mind seems to play tricks on me sometimes. I so wanted ask my Dads advice about something today and he wasn't there. Always has been there and it was an odd feeling to know I couldn't ask him and I was going to have to figure it out a different way. We made it thru though. I have felt like I was camping from my house this whole winter. Having spent more time living out of a suitcase than my dresser over the last several months has brought on that feeling I guess. But I unpacked my suitcase so maybe I will have too many clothes in my closet now. LOL! I have a new niece just born the other day! How cool is that! I think all of my family have hit our walls though. In talking to them all of us have been sleeping like logs and so exhausted. But I think it is just the finality of things coming down on us as well as a let off of some of the stress we all packed with us this winter. In some ways November seems like it was about 10 years ago and yesterday at the same time. Time warp thing! We went to a rodeo - just a fun day trip this last weekend and it was so fun and just nice to do something just for fun with no extra pressure or anything just simple. I guess I need to plan some more of that in for this summer.

Missings

So I was ready to call my Dad the other day. Didn't really have any new news or anything just wanted to chat about life. Was hard to realize I couldn't do that now. Odd thing to realize! I was telling my son that tho and told him that I had prayed then and asked Jesus to tell Grandpa what I needed to tell him and that I love and miss him. He said that the good thing about that is that you never get out of cell phone range that way! Too true! I love it. Good perspective. I am realizing that we all have these important people in our lives who we do the important and big things in life with. College. Marriage. Births. Deaths. That sort of thing. We are very blessed go have some of those sorts of friends. Dad was honored today by a packed out memorial service. The word we kept hearing over and over was how dad had impacted this person and that person. Whole schools. Organizations. People. Ministries. People. Families. Missions. People. It was near to hear and be blessed again by the love of a Dad and a man who loved God and followed and gave with everything he had.

Thoughts on packing.

So I have done a lot of packing. I travel a lot and pack light and go. I have for a long time. I have packed up my whole life into 7 pieces of luggage twice for international moves. I have helped friends do this packing up to. I kind of like packing. The last 3 days I have been helping my Mom, brother, sister in law pack up my Mom from her house to move to Oregon. We have sorted thru books, clothes, hunting gear, books, craft supplies, kitchen stuff, geology stuff, a few more books. All those things that a person who loved life and lived it to the full collects. It has been interesting and hard. I think the office has been the hardest because that space has been Dads domain for lack of a better word. But he Always had time for us. I kept waiting in my heart for him to walk in the door. And it was painful in my heart knowing he wasn't going to. We have had some fun memories made and some fun memories bared as we have worked together in this project too so that has been good.

21 gun salute & taps

The memorial service for Dad was good and terrible. Unreal and crazy real. A nightmare and reality. All at the same time it made everything so final and at the same time I kept expecting Dad to walk up to me as well and start visiting during the whole event. Taps makes me cry even on a good day and the haunting lilting tune echoing back to me from those trees being played because my Dad is the one who is no gone was powerful. The 21 gun salute was impressive and loud. But watching those honor guard soldiers in thier dress blues paying thier deep respect for a man they never knew but were there to honor was power personified. Young vibrant men there to honor. What a blessing to be a participant in this tradition. They crisply folded our flag and presented it to Mom. Then gave the 21 casings from the 21 gun salute as a keepsake of the honor of that day. Impactive! Thank you to so many who came that day to share our joy and pain. Our hope and our tears. Our loss and sadness but also the knowing that it is well with our souls.

Musings

So I have decided that meetings for funerals are no fun at all. Even though and partly because my Dad lived such a full and good life it has been so hard to be a part of these plans. I haven't even been in on much of the planning and prep as I was working on other things family this week, but my heart has been involved and it has been hard. Everyone is still in shock. Grieving. Wondering. Thinking. Sad. Happy for Dad. Wondering what to do next and what will happen next. I half expect half the time for Dad to come walking into the room or even more to call me. I took his cell phone out of my speed dial the other day that sure had a feeling of finality to it. I feel like there is a jagged hole in our fabric of our family. Dad aaapparently said he wanted to be buried under a pile of rocks - appropriately and so Mom brought a bunch of rocks up from Nevada. These are rocks collected from all over the globe and only a sampling of the collection we are sure to find in the garage. Some were labeled with dates, names, places and trips others just blank. Spots and memories of a life lived well. We will throw some on top of the casket.

Obituary for Dad

Donald James Decker, after a short season of cancer, finished his earthly journey and entered his heavenly home on April 16, 2012.  He was born August 22, 1944 to Glenn and Elizabeth Decker of Corvallis, OR.  He grew up on the family farm on Decker Road and was involved in 4H and Future Farmers of America throughout his school years.  As a youth he attended a revival in Philomath, OR and accepted Christ as his Savior.  This very important decision was a life changing event for him.

He attended local Corvallis schools and graduated from Oregon State University with a Bachelor of Science degree in Geology.  In 1968, he married Suzanne Whitney from Fortuna, CA.  After graduation in 1969, they moved to Reno, NV where they attended University of Nevada.  Don went to graduate school at MacKay School of Mines (now known as Mackay School of Earth Sciences and Engineering) where he earned his master's degree in Geology.

His geology career spanned the next 40 plus years in Nevada, Alaska, and Oregon where he searched for gold, silver, barite, and other precious metals.  Over time he acquired many interesting and compelling mining properties. A gifted geologist and successful businessman, he developed his own mining related companies: Decker Exploration, Century Gold, LLC, Faith Land, Faith Land and Minerals, and participated in American Innovative Minerals, LLC. 

After moving to Winnemucca, NV in 1973, he became the proud father of Russell (married to Lori), followed by Mary in 1977 (married to Dustin Baker), Amy in 1980 (married to Nathan Gillespie), and Matthew in 1984 (married to Melodie).  Don often read to them and wore out Picture Bibles as they were growing up.  He loved each of his children so very much and was proud of the adults they have become.  The family lived in various northeast Nevada locations before settling predominately in the Elko area.  In 1986, he and his family built a home in Lamoille, NV.  The Ruby Mountains were a wonderful view from their home and over the years he and his family enjoyed many outings there.

Don and his family relocated to Corvallis, OR in 1989.  In 1991, he earned another master’s degree in Christian Leadership from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary in Portland, OR.  He and Suzi moved back to Elko, NV in 1998.

Later, grandchildren came to delight his life as well - Jared, Emily, and Ethan Decker, Kase Baker, and Digeo Decker. As each grew, he was able to show them how to pan for gold as well as garnets from the Ruby Mountains and teach them basic geology.  He loved playing games and wrestling with them.

His gift of giving was another source of joy for him.  He encouraged many people to venture into short term mission work and supported many on long term missions in a variety of countries for his Savior and Lord.  He was privileged to travel to Mongolia and China on short term mission trips with Campus Crusade for Christ and The JESUS Film Projects.  He enjoyed giving to help build churches in various countries as well as funding education for future Christian leaders and workers through Multnomah University and various Christian schools in Oregon and Nevada.  One of his favorite Bible verses was, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21.  As a family, we have a huge deposit in heaven with our husband and father and grandfather.

He is survived by Suzi, his wife of 43 years, children, grandchildren, brothers Van Decker of Corvallis, OR and Everett Decker of Culver, OR, and their families.

In lieu of flowers, please donate in Don’s memory to :

·        Biblica  1820 Jet Stream Drive  Colorado Springs, CO 80921

·        The JESUS Film Project  PO Box 628222  Orlando, FL 32862-8222

·        Crown Financial Ministries  1035 Old Peachtree Road NW  Lawrenceville, GA 30043-3309

·        Young Life Foundation  P.O. Box 520  Colorado Springs, CO  80901-0520

·        Spring Creek Christian Academy  285 Spring Creek Parkway  Spring Creek, NV 89815

·        Multnomah University  8435 NE Glisan St.  Portland, OR 97220

·        Santiam Christian Schools 7200 NE Arnold Ave Corvallis, OR 97330

Waiting for the call

I got a phone all early yesterday morning that I am sure will alter my life in ways I do not even know of yet.  My Dad, who has always been my cheerleader, helper, friend, confidant, encourager, supporter, . . . .etc. has passed away.  I know I knew it would happen but still.  I feel like I was waiting for that phone call. 

So at breakfast we wondered through our tears, if when someone gets to heaven if there is a PA system call go out.  "Don Decker, Elko, NV, is arriving at pearly gate #2 in 5 minutes, as many of you here know him, please be on hand to greet him."  While there is nothing in the Bible about that, it was an interesting discussion point.  Lots of love there and lots of people Dad loved who were I am sure on hand to greet him.

Tax Day

This morning Dad took a turn for the worse.  Basically has slipped into a coma, from which he will awake in Heaven.  Dad has said for many years, that you should pay into your heavenly account more than what Uncle Sam will ask you to pay into your tax account.  And he lived this principle too giving generously to many groups, organizations and individuals to help them and further them in the various missions that they were involved in.  This year, I think my biggest deposit into my heavenly account is going to go soon as well.  I am sure Dad would laugh as he says to store your treasures in Heaven.  And in heaven the Gold is just PAVEMENT! 
Thank God for good friends who let you cry on their shoulders.  This is by far the most painful deposit I have ever made.  A hard down payment on heaven. 

Out with your boots on

I have always wondered about the phrase "going out with my boots on" and I think I am beginning to figure it out.  It is going out doing what you love, with those you love around, at peace with the world and everyone.  Not necessarily the way everyone gets to go out, but shouldn't we all live"like you were dying"???  Because really we are.  But we have a hard time admitting it.  I cried more today and so much that my eyes feel full of sand.  The reds of my eyes hurt.  But I feel like in the last year my Dad has gotten to do a lot of the things that would help him to "go out with his boots on" though I know that none of us would have chosen this process for the actual going!  He got to take some of his family to Alaska and introduce all the older grand kids to a place he loved!  He got to visit the smaller grand kids and enjoy good time with them in their new house.  He was at a dinner for a new Bible School in Reno the night before we found out abut the cancer.  He went to Mongolia - on a mission trip - another thing he loved and supported for years - in August with my family.  He got a new business partner to help with moving his company forward.  He went hunting with his family.  He was able to attend Grandpa Whitney's wedding to show his support.  He was able to see another step forward in the pit for his business.  He had a wonderful Christmas with all his family around him.  A few people came to him to make their peace after finding out about his cancer.  He got to see the next steps forward and help plan them for his family.  We are truly and richly blessed!

Treasures in Bend

We came over to see family for Easter.  So hard.  But good.  So very blessed to have a family who are all close and who are sticking together for this project.  We are all so blessed that Dad has not really been in pain during this whole ordeal.  Apparently some people with this are in terrible pain or totally medicated to keep the pain at bay.  Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying for us!  Just today he has had pain and that is SO hard to watch. 

Dad and I in Mongolia last fall - 2011

I think as a family we are all coping better than we were last weekend.  More rest!  But it is hard to think through all the ramifications.  Even today I was picking out pictures of my Dad during  all of our lives and realized the many blessings that we were given so freely and with so much love.  Not that he was perfect - but are any of us!  We have been so many places, seen so many things and been so blessed by so many places.  We were able to go to so many places.  Dad and Mom have always been our cheerleaders and encourager and helpers.  We are realizing that we are going to be making a huge deposit into our heavenly bank account soon and that is hard to imagine.  But We are supposed to store our treasure there, so we are.  But i guess Dad is really getting a wonderful promotion.  I know he is.  Just a hard deposit to make.  I am realizing we are really such selfish people.  I also think I am much to young for this!

Whats it all about?

            So, as life continues to spin - seemingly out of control, we are realizing how little control we really have even though we tell ouselves that we are in control.  But really there are so many things in life that - while not always left to chance - are definitly left to God who is much Bigger than we are!  He ultimatly makes the decisions.  We are learning what it means when it seems the light at the end of the tunnle is growing brighter for my Dad and realizing that it is HEAVEN.  There is no cure for the type of cancer he has, here, but he will be totally whole again when he gets there.  Such a HOPE! 
           I am still wondering and trying to grasp the thoughts of God on this whole thing.  It seems that it is a wrong way to go out for a man who has followed God all of his adult life, but at the same time to God, our days seem like a puff of smoke. 

FINE

I learned a new acronym for FINE the other day from my Brother-in-Law.  I thought it was perfect for our current state of affairs. 

Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic  or Normal?
Emotional or Exhausted

I have had lots of people ask how we are doing.  My usual response is Fine.  BUT, to my closer friends who really know what is happening with life, my response is - if you only ask once, I am fine, just don't ask twice or you get the real story.  :)

I am so blessed to have a family who love each other!  Who stick together through the tough stuff, and hang tightly together through this whole thing.  It is amazing how having a parent so very sick makes you put your priorities into place and realize that we really don't have the energy to sweat the small stuff - and there is so much small stuff we do! 

Move & Changes

            OK, so life has totally changed since my last post.  We have completely put our house project on hold as life has been a lot different.  We are already at the spot that we thought we would be in August or so with my Dad.  We thought that he would have a  break of time here where he would be good for a while and we would all have a time where we were able to get used to the idea of how things were going with Dad.  In the last two weeks has really gone down a lot.  He  has lost a lot of the ability that he had even a few weeks ago and so that has been hard to see. 
         We moved Mom and Dad to Bend this last week.  It was a logical well thought out, but fast decision.  We realized that we needed to get Mom somewhere that she could get more help.  She was getting very tired and Dad was having a harder time and  it did not seem like a good thing to not let Mom be a wife instead of a caregiver 24 hours a day for Dad.  That was hard for him and for her, but it was necessary to go to get more help for Dad.  We found a great place up here in Bend that is a 24 hour care place.  They kept telling us that all  we needed to do was push the button  and they would be there to help us do whatever needed done.  Mom is enjoying this place though as it is a good place for both of them.  Our whole family is there this week to help settle in.
        Our Dad had his doctors appointment last week and they were not good.  The doctor did an MRI and they were not able to see much difference.  But in the clinical changes that he has had in the last few weeks were too dramatic to not notice.  In looking at and talking to Dad the changes in him are meaning we are a lot closer to the end of this bad dream than I want to be.  I cried so much the other night I only had salt left.  Need to drink more water. :)
         Our house project we have totally put on hold and we have gone ahead with putting a pivot on our new place.  Seems we are still deciding what we are doing with it and with our place there.  Our house location is still staying the same and the signs and flags are still up, but it is all on hold.  But the ranch is still for sale and so we are still in the process of finding a place, but we are also doing well.  I do know for a fact though that I will never live in a tent except when I am camping.  And so for that, I am very grateful.  I don't need to worry about that.  It has been an adventure getting going on this house building project,  but while it has been so much fun, it seems that there is a lot of irons in the fire right now and it is OK!  We will make it through this part of life.  We have a wonderful family who we all love each other and will make it.  I know God has a plan for this life and even the part that we are in now, but I am not sure how it will work.

Flags in the ground!

            So we are finally ready to go.  We need to get several things in place still, but we are finally ready to move forward.  We have our final house plan done and now we are ready to get things going! 
          
           My son has made the first house on the place though, he claims in that his fort is almost done and he is so loving that!  He is having so much fun and loves this place!  That is so much fun to watch his life blossom.  We are loving the excitement and things that are being made and the plans that God is bringing. 

We are having challenges and life is so stressful but we are all really trying to cope and hold together and stay as a family and keep things going and help our Mom and Dad and be able to have things to work the best that is possible.  Life seems a little up in the air.   The stress of life is insane but our family if hanging together and we are staying close.  In contact and loving each other. 

So the last two weeks I have put about 3,000 miles on my car.  Which means - I have SAT that long as well!  Fortunately - odd for February - I have only had about 200 of those miles be snow covered roads.  For as much driving as we have done this winter the weather has been wonderful!  Before we left 2 weeks ago - I did one of those FUN MOM things and went to the $1 store and got a bunch of small little fun gifts and wrapped them in tissue paper and put them in a box.  Then my son got to open one every so many miles.  This made the trip so much more fun.  I also had gotten some new books on tape and that kind of thing.  We got a whole interesting education about the Lewis and Clark expedition and some fun laughs with Patrick McMannis as well as Good stories of Adventures in Odyssey and Louis L'Amour books.  All fun! 

What was all the driving - well, we drove down to S. California to Grandpas wedding.  Long drive.  Flowers are already in bloom down there.  Ripe oranges hanging from the trees!  So yummy!  Very informal wedding.  Short.  Fun visiting with some cousins and aunts and uncles who I have not seen in years.  So that made the trip worth it.  Kase had a fun fun time playing in the creek that runs through the ranch with his cousins!  Left the next day and drove up to Reno.  Since we made it all the way in one day we had some down time for swimming in the hotel pool.  My Dad had doctor appointments and so we stayed to attend.  It has been a challenge watching my Dad - who has always been a get up and go person who enjoys life and the outdoors and his family become so reliant on others for basic needs.  The looks on the doctors faces were not encouraging.  Mom is exhausted and needing help.  New round of chemo starting the next week.  But it is a pill so can be taken at home.  How will this affect Dad - we don't know!

So, after doctor appointments we drove home Saturday, did laundry, changed out suitcase clothes and did some schoolwork, then took school and left for Nevada.  This way we would be able to help Mom get some help lined up, and meet with some people from Hospice and Physical Therapy etc.  This was good to do this.  Kase had a fun time visiting with Grandpa and Grandma.  The Chemo pills didn't come as soon as we thought they would and so Dad was able to stay and be focused on a couple of business meetings.  That was good.  But once he started on it, you could tell.  He lost balance much easier, and was ravenously hungry.  His brain did not communicate as easy with his legs and he slowly fell down once - but was unhurt as Mom and I were right there.  Sometimes it is hard to understand life!